Hardt Rock!
"Inspiring, intriguing, and true to herself" - these are all words I use when describing Audra Hardt. Writing from pure life experience, Audra Hardt gives you hint of what it's like to be "extreme". At 15, after three arrests, Audra had a spark of insight that took her off the dark path of addiction and onto a path that eventually led her to the stage. Born in
You
say in your bio that you've always done things to the "extreme".
What exactly do you mean by that?
I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic so moderation is not in my
vocabulary. The up side is that I do healthy things with the same fervor
that I do unhealthy things, so if I keep my intentions in check and my
head out of my ass, I can be very effective.
You have a very interesting and controversial
past, which includes some time in jail and three arrests around the age
of 15 - what happened? How did you land in such a position?
This is like a book of an answer considerably
consolidated. Here goes! I was using when I was very young.
And thank God for it. I don't think I could have survived my own
head if I could not self medicate. Unfortunately, that form of
medication NEVER lasts and the demons return ten fold. I had to
get my "medicine" however I could, and so the arrests were for that kind
of stuff. My time in jail was nothing to brag about, three
arrests. Number one daddy picked me up. Number two mommy
picked me up. Number three they left me there to sweat it out.
All day I sat in the cell. Right before they board the bus to take
the juveniles that were not picked up from booking to the Juvenile Hall,
my mom came and got me. She was pissed. I got sober soon
after that, not because I wanted to, but I was scared of the judge who
said I was going to foster care.
What was your childhood like?
I was privileged. Grew up in Malibu, dad's a
doctor, 3 brothers, Jewish, competitive gymnast and spring board diver,
lost, abused, and afraid of my own thoughts, ......good student, honor
roll, lonely, promiscuous, pregnant at 12.
How's that for a contradiction?????
What was your experience in jail like? Sitting in a cell, what did you think about? Was music even a thought back then?
Music was my enemy and my best friend, as were
my chemicals. Music made me feel, I don't like to feel, but music
also made me numb, I like numb. In jail I was thinking mostly of a way
to lie to get out of the punishments, not very spiritual in the cell.
What was your sudden "flash of insight"?
Did it pertain solely to music or just life in general?
I stood in front of a judge, 15 years old. The
judge told my mom that she was an unfit parent and that I was to go to
foster care if I got in trouble again. For the first time in my
memory, I felt for my mom, I was outside of my teenage, selfish self and
I could see. I saw me clear as day, lost and scared and begging to
be helped, trapped in a body that wanted no help at all. The
struggle began and the good me won.
You
turned things around, obviously, which is very impressive and something
you should be proud of! But, the change couldn't have been
easy…what sorts of difficulties did you face trying to establish
yourself as a musician after such a tumultuous beginning?
I want to get loaded at times. I want to
escape from the problems that I face in my life. I want to be
appreciated in a world that may never really get me. But more than all
that, I want peace of mind and the only thing I have ever found that
calmed my head and soothed my soul with out breaking the law, is God.
I can not be close to God if I use. So I made a deal with
God. I stay free of mind altering chemicals, I don't lie to
myself or others, I help when asked, and he allows me to live with a
calm mind body and spirit. God and I walk together, fight
together, cry together, feel together, and celebrate together. He is my
safety net, I am his conduit, and together we get through it.......and
even enjoy it a bit ……along the way.......... uh oh........I feel a new
song coming out! LOL!
You've come a long way from that jail cell.
Looking back at the person you were then, how do you feel about who you
are today?
Oh man ...........I am my best friend. I
like who I am, love who I am, what I stand for, how I affect those I
come in contact with, and what I contribute to those around me. I
struggle with my head at times but I know the difference between fact
and feeling and boy are they different!
Go back to the very first day that you played
music in front of other people, how did it feel to finally let it out?
My first show was at the Whiskey in 1998. My dad says I was flat for the first 3 songs. I did not feel great about my show, but the writing was the key. I have been on stage my whole life, whether, dancing, gymnastics, diving, ice-skating. They were all a stage of sorts. But it was telling someone else's story, expressing someone else's feelings and conclusions. Writing is the key for me.
How do you describe your
sound?
I don't know how to do that. Noise to one is beauty to another.
Affecting to me might be boring to you.
What's your goal musically? Who do you
hope to reach?
I hope to make enough to continue without
having to sell my children .....lol......that's a joke.....And I hope to
reach all that can be enhanced by my message, all that can be inspired
by my stories and engage with my sound.
What inspires you to keep singing and playing
day to day?
Some days I am not inspired at all, but I sing
anyway. I sing almost every day for forty-five minutes or so to
keep me strong and ready. I am only a phone call away from the
dream, and I don't want to miss it because I'm hoarse or some stupid
shit like that. On the days that I don't want to sing, when I
dread going into my studio alone again to stand there and stare at
myself as I sing the same fucking songs again, I sing harder, longer and
I remind myself that its not about me. It's about the one person
who might hear my song and feel better, feel healing, feel understood.
So I am determined to get the message, my story, and my life out there.
I have to.
Do you feel like you've changed since the
release of "No Disguise"?
I sure hope so, that was almost 8 years ago.
I have lived a life time of pain and joy since that record. I have
feared more than ever and I have had moments of joy that I can't
adequately describe.
What's the writing process like for you? What kinds of things do you write about?
I write to purge, mainly. I try to be
grateful when I write so as not to bitch too hard. I don't
formalize writing. The mood hits me at odd times. I always
have something handy to get the words down on because they only come out
eloquently once, after the moment is gone, it's so gone. Trying to
get it back is like me being able to stop at one.
Where do you see yourself ten years? What do you hope to accomplish between now and then?
Above ground sounds good to me! God, I hope that I am more secure in my financial life with my kids than I am today. I am an only parent and its brutal trying to be mommy and daddy at the same time. My ex has not had the same experience with his disease as I have with mine and is no longer present. My goal is to be successful of course, but not to the detriment of what I have built. I have built a family that truly lives together, daily, through the good, bad and indifferent. We are bonded by goals that have no words, by successes that have no price. I want to provide for my family while I do what I love, if I'm lucky. I want to be something that you are proud that your child latches onto, someone who walks what she talks and is admired for more than my abs.
Do you find it difficult to set yourself apart
and make it as a musician in band-filled Los Angeles?
Do you find it hard to find an earring back at
the beach?
YES MA'AM, I DO!
I am up for the challenge. I am
different, I am not normal, and for once in my life, that just might
catch the sun's light and shine so that I rise above the grains of sand
and you can see me clearly so you might pick me up and use me for all
that I am worth.
When you're not writing or singing, what are
you doing? What are some of your hobbies outside the business?
What's a hobby? Kidding! I am a mommy. Here is a normal day in my life when school is in session. The alarm goes off at 6 am. I get up, wash and brush, put on my gym clothes and go down to let the dogs out (stopping by the kids rooms to make sure they are awake). Then, the coffee is made (instant) and I begin making breakfast and lunches and pondering over dinner. I am always interrupted by a kid asking, or whining as it may be depending who is menstruating at the time, for me to help with hair, clothes, or something having nothing to do with anything of the moment but needing to be done RIGHT NOW, anyway. After they eat, I clean and there are some trips in and out of the house to get forgotten necessities, we are off to school 7:20 am. I then head to the gym. Forty-five minutes, give or take, to meditate and have a word with my H.P. (higher power (god)). There are usually some tears shed to cleanse my yuck and clear my head for another day. Pump iron, cardio and I'm on my way home around 10:30. I eat and check the computer, return calls to who ever and get ready to sing. By 12:30 the singing is over and I need food yet again. 1 p.m. and there is just enough time to do ……….well, nothing ………….before I have to pick up the kids from school. No seriously, I started a business called Muletto, a removable strap for women's high heeled shoes that helps the shoe stay on and decorates it in the process, so I will try to do invoices if I have orders, go to the factory downtown if I need to fill orders, let's not forget the store for food, Smart and Final runs, answering questions for curious folk like today, etc………. I volunteer at the school 2nd Period drama a couple times a week. I was musical director for the play. Last year we did Annie, my kid got the lead, yeah it runs in the family ; ) This year I will do an ensemble of Broadway musical numbers with the kids. It's really fulfilling to teach them to sing and make noise and feel good about themselves. Plus my kid loves it and thinks I'm cool ……..BONUS! My music team also meets once a week to go over our plan to rule the world. I digress. Sorry. Once the kids are picked up (3:00 some days 2:00 others) there might be errands to the books store, staples, or the library. Once I count the number of extra kids my kids have brought home with them, I will decide what meat we will have for dinner. And home we go to do chores. Baths and homework, during which I will again get on the computer, MySpace updates, photo shoot pictures to look through, gigs to approve, rehearsals to schedule, bills,….. you get the idea. At 4 pm it is time to begin dinner (we eat early). I have to be done with my chores by 6 so that I can go to rehearsal, or a gig or an event with my publicist, help with papers, help study for exams or by golly even go to an A.A. meeting if I'm lucky. And, then there is my boyfriend who wants some lovin'. So I will try to squeeze that in some where, too. I like to sleep 8 hours if I can so there are not many more hours in the day. You can delete this whole response if you want but it's true as can be. Not very sexy and not the average rock stars life, but it is mine and I love it. I am a sober child of God first, I am a mommy second and I rock the house through the whole fucking process singing all the way home.
Where
do you go for inspiration or just to get away from it all?
There is no need to get away to find
inspiration. I am inspired by the real shit. And I
have not had a vacation since 1997 so getting away is more like a bath,
or a nap. It's good though, I am truly living, so my lyrics are
really honest and real.
If you could perform with any artist or band
in the world, who would you choose?
Only one?!!!! That's really hard. I would
have to say Elton John. You see my father is gay. He came
out when I was 7. I was not happy to say the least. Elton
John was the first gay man that I admired. He allowed me to have
compassion for my dad. I value the lesson that he taught me
although he doesn't even know I exist. Is that not amazing? The
positive power public people can have. I would like to be able to
share that story with him one day, on stage in front of someone who
might then be touched and therefore changed for the better.
Anything else you'd like to add?
I want to add………………………THANKS FOR LISTENING, THANKS FOR GIVING ME A PLATFORM TO SHARE FROM, THANKS FOR LETTTING ME BE ME!
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U P C O M I N G
S H O W S:
J a n u a r y------------------
R E L A T E D
V I D E O S:
Jason Mraz
"I'm Yours" live@AOL
Landon Pigg
"Eggshells" live in Seattle
Maroon 5
"Little of Your Time" acoustic
Rooney
"When Did Your Heart Go Missing?"
P U R C H A S E
Title: In Disguise
Released:
2005
Tracks:
1. Off U Go
2. The Shirt
3. Flower
4. In My Life
5. Better
6. So Now What
7. You
8. Words
9. I Luv U
10. Skip the Refill
Released:
2007
Tracks:
1. Watch Me
2. Think
3. Now and Then
4. You Said